200 Million Naira Prayers

Source: senatepresident.gov.ng

"Adamawa State is about to purchase prayers worth N200 million to ward off Boko Haram and other security challenges, according to the chief of staff, Abdulrahman Jimeta. I would suggest they go for a competitive bidding process so as to attract the best prayer warriors money can buy. If the state settles for only Muslim and Christian prayers, the contracts should be shared 50:50 for the sake of fairness. Prayers used to be free, but things have changed with the deregulation of spirituality and devaluation of the naira. Of course, the government has unconvincingly tried to clarify Jimeta's statement. Jokers."

Simon Kolawale

The Girl Who Found Water

Is Nigeria still worth dying for? Is she worth risking one's life for today? In this riveting personal account, The Girl Who Found Water: Memoirs of a Corps Member, Chibuzor Mirian Azubuike both grapples with these questions as well as confronts her own fears and insecurities, as she embarks on the mandatory post-college national service in a part of Nigeria that is not only alien to her but is also immersed in violence. 

Chibuzor dreamed of serving in her choice southern states. But then she receives a rude awakening after finding out that she is posted instead to the northeastern state of Bauchi, where eleven of her predecessors had been gruesomely murdered just three months earlier following post-election violence. Crestfallen, devastated, and despondent, she vows to manipulate herself out of her bleak situation.  At last, she reluctantly embarks on a twelve-hour night bus ride to Bauchi, with the determination to seek redeployment upon arrival. Instead, she encounters a different “North,” a North that questions and alters her worldview, transforming her into a change agent in the process.

Nigeria Northern Elite Deceive People With Religion, Bishop Kukah

Bishop Kukah

The Bishop of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sokoto, Matthew Kukah, tells TOBI AWORINDE that the foundation for the Boko Haram crisis in parts of the North was laid years back by leaders of the region

It’s over six months since the abduction of the Chibok schoolgirls. Should the Federal Government/military have taken more dire measures by now?

I know that we are anxious and, like every citizen, the feeling of hopelessness is numbing and even humiliating. But what is most important to the girls, their parents and us all is their safety, sanity and life. I want to believe the government and our military are doing their best, given the seeming cynical, hypocritical posturing of some of our international friends who love our oil and care about milking us more than they love us. Whatever it takes, whenever they are free, we want to see them alive and hopefully healthy. Their healing is another project, but I do not believe that their predicament is the result of the lack of will on the part of the government or the military agencies.

And Then, Finally, Death Spoke... By Segun Adeniyi

Segun Adeniyi

Heralded in by drummers, it was clear to all those who were already seated, important dignitaries in their own rights, that the new entrant was a class above them. That was because for the first time, the master of the house, the great Death himself, stood up to receive a visitor whom he allowed to sit on the throne beside his.

Apparently worried that he might have lost his preeminent place in the Kingdom of Death, Terrorism stood up to speak: “Your Majesty, High Chief Prophet Death, Grand Commander of the Earth and all things beneath, I salute you. As all my colleagues here are quite aware, since 2009 when I scaled up my operation in Nigeria, nobody has given you as much blood as I have done yet I have never received the kind of attention you gave this JJC. In recent days, I have brought in the blood of several Nigerians: From the twin-bomb attack in Kaduna to my operations in Kano and Adamawa, now I serve you blood minute by minute. While I am not aware of the area of expertise of this agent who just came in, one thing I am sure of: In the territory called Nigeria, nobody has served your interest as diligently as I have done in the last couple of weeks...”

“Point of Information my Lord, Your Excellency”, someone interjected.  It was Strike. With Death nodding his spectre, Strike knew he had the permission to speak. “My advice is to Terrorism. He should please stick to what he knows. Yes, he has killed many Nigerians in recent days; I concede that to him. I even understand that he is now gradually turning one section of the country against another such that at the end of the day the people themselves would begin to do his job for him on a massive scale. That is very clever. But if he is talking about the amount of blood made available to Your Majesty in the last two weeks, I deserve commendation. Now that I have medical doctors working in public hospitals on my side, I supply more blood to this kingdom. Terrorism may kill with guns, knives, cudgels etc but the fact that he helps editors to sell their newspapers doesn’t mean he has done more harm in Nigeria than me. Unlike him, I do my work quietly and I do not inflict needless pains; I simply allow Nigerians to die on the hospital beds and they do so in droves without their people paying much attention. My formula in Nigeria today is simple: From the hospital ward to the mortuary--a seamless journey!”