This is Lagos: Tales From Daily Bus Ride IV

(By Jude Idada)

The driver kept his hand on the horn of the bus.
The honk was loud, continous and vexatious.

And as though obeying the order of a conductor in an orchestra, the other drivers in the cars and buses around the bus, did the exact thing.

The din was deafening.

The abuses started flying in pidgin and Yoruba as each driver cursed out the other driver.

I watched in silence from the first row of the bus in which I sat.

Wondering how vehicularly quiet the streets of Toronto were in comparison to those of Lagos. So quiet, you could go through a year without hearing the honk of a car.

We were heading to Victoria Garden City in Lekki and the traffic jam at the Jakande Junction - fifth roundabout - was holding us hostage.

I noticed his stare.

This is Lagos: Tales From Daily Bus Ride III

(By Jude Idada)

I stood at the bus-stop for nearly an hour.
Lekki.

Buses and taxis stopped and drove on.

After the conductors had called out.

"Obalende!"

"CMS!"

A few actually called out -

"Oshodi!"

I was heading for Freedom Park on Broad Street.

I had hoped to hear them call out.

"Race course!"

My plan was to get there and walk over to Freedom Park.

But none had called that out.

It was hot.

I was sweating.

Finally another bus slowed down in front of me.

This is Lagos: Tales From Daily Bus Ride II

(By Adesegun Damazio) - Tales from the early morning bus... 

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CONDUCTOR: Sand field, Law School, CMS! Sand field, Law School, CMS!!

DRIVER: **shouts at the conductor** Weyrey awon LASTMA wà leyin wà o, instead ko watch, o n pe ero weyrey (Mad man! LASTMA officers are behind us o. Instead of you to "watch", you're calling mad passengers)

CONDUCTOR: Weyrey lawon people yen sha. Your side! your side! (Those people are mad sha. Your side, your side - which colloquially means "zoom off, zoom off")

**Few minutes later**

CONDUCTOR: Yes sir, your money.

PASSENGER 1: Conductor I'm not comfortable here. Please tell them to shift.

CONDUCTOR: Abeg help am shift for there. Na four four.

PASSENGER 1: Please help me shift

This is Lagos: Tales From Daily Bus Ride 1

(By Adesegun Damazio) - Tales from the early morning bus: 

********************

CONDUCTOR: CMS Two Hundred CMS! Abeg enter with your change o, I just dey comot. Abeg enter with your 200 naira change.

*passengers troop in*

*few minutes into the journey*

CONDUCTOR: Yes, your money there...

PASSENGER 1: Hands him 500 naira

CONDUCTOR: You no hear word abi?

PASSENGER 1: Eti iya e lo di (it's your mother that is deaf)

CONDUCTOR: *fires the middle-aged Yórùbà woman a hostile look and curses under his breath* Yezzz, your money...

PASSENGER 2: Hands him 1000 naira

CONDUCTOR: Oda pe gbogbo ti fe ya were laaro yii (It's like all of you want to run mad this morning)

PASSENGER 2: Na you sabi the nonsense wey you dey talk. Just gimme my change

CONDUCTOR: Ori iya yín ma pe wa nisin sin (You people's mothers' heads will be correct now now)