Of Nigerian Stars and Celebrity Gossip

(By Joy Isi-Bewaji) - In Nigeria, a celebrity will give birth to quadruplets, hide them in a sac, marry a second time, kill her neighbour's dog, buy a house in Miami, sleep with Drake, enrol at a strippers club, amputate her left leg, suffer a heart attack, go clubbing on a yatch, have a street fight with her best friend, steal her best friend's third husband, have his baby and poison his tea with arsenic...

No blog or "gossip website" will know a thing...until the celebrity, by herself, posts it on social media. 

We do not have exclusives. There are no paparazzi waiting at Genevieve Nnaji's gate to tell who she's dating.

If Genevieve doesn't take a half nude picture with a man in bed and post on Instagram OR her friends have the mouths of worn baskets... then no blogger gets to know jack about her life.

It is why I find it ridiculous when Naija celebrities rant about privacy.

You can have all the privacy you want in this country. Nobody is snooping. I have met many A+ celebrities at malls, and people just walk by. Maybe a smile from a few shoppers, but mostly serious boning and prouding from Nigerians. 

Thank God for selfie sticks, now they ask for a selfie.

But nobody... not ONE photographer will bother taking pictures of his life or her activities.

Naija Celebs and Political Prostitution, by Etcetera

Some say Afro Candy is a prostitute. Some say she’s not or at least, not yet. A few others say she’s a porn star, which is not in the same league as prostitution. Porn stars are taxed, prostitutes are not. So Afrolicious baybay, you have to up your game to get into the league of prostitutes, if it is what you really desire. My suggestion would be; instruct your agent or booker to get you appearances in any of the political campaign videos, so you can put to use that floppy behind your mama gave you.

And if you are lucky enough, you can get cameos and wiggle that thing around the aspirants themselves. You have to get your bum (sorry your hands) bloodied to earn the highly coveted “Political prostitute” tag. Now my Candilicious Afrolistic baybay, these are a few names of the latest political prostitutes in the country: Olamide, Banky W, Don Jazzy, Flavour, Duncan Mighty, D banj, Mercy Johnson, Ibinabo, Ini Edo, Mama Gee, Naeto C, Joseph Yobo, Daddy Showkey, Kanu Nwankwo, and Sammie Okposo.

Nigeria's Celebrities and the Rave for 'Packaging'

On a quiet January day, a Medview Airlines plane was preparing to take-off from Terminal 2 of the

Murtala Mohammed Airport, Lagos, destination, Abuja. Passengers were seated, but the business-class section was conspicuously empty. On recognizing actress Eniola Badmus who was sitting contentedly in economy class, one of the air hostesses asked her to move over as it were, to ‘higher ground’. Nearby, a budding actress (we want the name na) who by a freak coincidence, had been cast in Obi Emelonye’s Last Flight to Abuja was watching quietly. She then politely beckoned the hostess and asked to follow suit for a short period to – believe it or not – take photos there. Stunned, the airline staff agreed, well aware that the images were going to be used to create the illusion of an arrival in the big league.

There are no prizes for guessing correctly where the images will end and how they will be framed, complete with a matching hashtag – #FirstClassThings maybe – for the viewing pleasure of social media users.

“It was shocking”, says Lorenzo Menakaya, also an actor, who was aboard the same flight. “I just took one look at her and knew there was only one place the pictures would end up – Instagram”.