The Marriage Whisperer: A Review

The Marriage Whisperer

A Review by Chijioke Azuawusiefe, SJ

          Marriage has been designated a number of things ranging from sacrament to business, with in-betweens like covenant, union, vocation, institution, partnership, social construct, and even horse race. It all depends on who does the classification and those involved in the relationship. But in all the cases, one factor remains certain: marriage is a work in progress. Those involved work at it and that work takes different forms for different couples. 

The Marriage Whisperer tells a fascinating story of six middle-aged women who, leveraging the support and the company of their friendship, navigate the challenges of their marriages and relationships. Tess Ajibosin, in this debut novella, paints a picture of strong characters who, nonetheless, are human enough to acknowledge their vulnerabilities when it comes to their associations with men, even though they do not allow their shortcomings to diminish them. Ajibosin leverages the experiences of these women to bring the broad strokes of her brush to bear on the gender and patriarchal conversations canvas in contemporary Nigeria. She then traces the contours of these discourses through the individual lives of the narrator, Camille, and her friends, as each confronts and comes to terms with the relationship blues that her life presents. 

"Sitting on a Man": Aba Women's War and Igbo Women's Strategy

Aba Women, early 20th century

"A group of Igbo women in 1929 rose up as a unitary women would and with one voice and a single-mindedness of purpose waged war against the oppressive measures put in place by the conquering British colonial government. Through the three arms of the administration ... the British administration's District Officer (D. O.), the Church (the clergy) and the School (teachers) and the Court (judges), incessantly taxed the poor. This resulted in the de facto removal of the husbands from their homes to work in the cash-crop farms to support the British economy. Back in Europe, it was the era of industrial revolution and, in effect, Igbo men slaved on their lands as laborers working for their masters and paid taxes from whatever little they earned, leaving them weak, spent and with not enough to take care of their families. Under the circumstances, they were often unable to perform their conjugal obligations with their spouses in their matrimonial homes. On the fateful day in 1929, the Igbo women of Aba marched on government hill and stoned the District Officer. He was forced to call reinforcements, and when they came they too were again stoned by the women. The enraged women would not back down or leave government hill until their demands were met. The people called it the Igbo Women's 'War' but the British called it the Igbo Women's 'Riot.'
          What was unclear at the time was that what took place between the women and the ruling colonial power was a strategy, albeit on a small scale, which many an Igbo woman would usually employ to bend a recalcitrant husband for dereliction of duties and obligations to wife and family. They call it 'sitting on a man.' Therefore, the Aba women at war with the British had employed the Igbo women's radical strategy of 'sitting on a man' when aggrieved. Such a recalcitrant woman would 'sit' on her abusive husband's homestead, refusing to cooperate with food preparation, sex and emotional company until her husband promised to change his ways. Sometimes, it was a group of wives that 'sat' on their offending men."

Ada Uzoamaka Azodo, 2019, 18-19

"Di-Feminism: Valorizing the Indigenous Igbo Concept of 'Agunwanyi,'" in African Feminisms in the Global Arena: Novel Perspectives on Gender, Class, Ethnicity, and Race, ed. Ada Uzoamaka Azodo