Nigerian Marriages and Trauma of Domestic Violence

(By Wana Udobang) – ‘We are brought up to think suffering this violence is OK’: domestic abuse in Nigeria

Dr Perpetua Mbanefo was just getting ready to drive to her new internship in Lagos when her husband suddenly got upset, seizing her car keys and medical licence. “He said I am becoming too free. Then I asked him for my things back and he got very upset, dragged me and threatened to stab me with a broken bottle.”

Her voice shakes as she talks. The next morning, again as she was preparing for work, he stopped her from leaving the house. “He said I am not going anywhere, [that] he owns me. He started calling me names, like ashewo [slut], and said that I am sleeping with people in my workplace. I didn’t pay attention to that because none of it was true. He has told me that if he decides to lock me up, nobody is going to come and ask because it is a family issue.” 

When he threatened her with an electric iron, Mbanefo climbed into the bed where he couldn’t reach her, but still got a blow to her head that meant she needed to go to hospital. She told the doctor how she’d got the wound. He shrugged, treated her and sent her home again.

"It Is Your Fault Women"

(By Joy Isi Bewaji) - I remember K-solo's wife.

Beaten blue black and defrauded by husband, producer/musician K-solo.

She got the whole internet on her side.

Two weeks later, she's on Channels- with her abuser; his hand around her...

"Oh! It was all a joke," she says, "we were just fooling around. Akshually, we were trying our hands on acting. We want to see if we can build careers in Nollywood."

She dismissed the abuse. And we all moved on

One week later, K-solo parades another woman as the woman he will be spending the rest of his life with...

Whilst first wife is pregnant.

First wife tries again to hawk same sympathy on these cyber streets... we directed her to a tree, and advised her to fuck it.

Domestic Violence. What the Heck is That?

Domestic Violence 

What the heck is that? Folks this is only for mature minds and not a forum for ridicule, small talk nor look good ops. This is a serious issue. We all know when conflict arises, and there is an inability to settle amicably, more often than not violence ensues. Why? One party feels he/she needs to be heard and the other party is just not trying to hear it, voices are raised, words turn salty, things are thrown around including punches, regrettably.

Now if you are at the receiving end of those “salty words” or the landing pad for those flying objects and punches you feel a variety of emotions. First you feel small, then emotionally hurt, then physical degradation, the physical being the most dangerous of them all. You can get over words if you work at it, therapy can get you over wounded emotions, but how do you get over scars and post traumatic reenactments of fleeting moments when death said hello.

How do you reconcile when you hear stories of those in that same situation who actually passed on. The person at the launch end of the punch also feels fleeting gratification that frustrating moments of torture from a mouthy ‘bi*ch” are over…but wait….she/he is not moving. Damn, I didn’t even hit her so hard.