Of a Madam, an "Innocent" Husband, and a Maid

(By Jude Idada) - On my power walk this afternoon I stumbled on a scene. 

In front of a lovely looking house close to Spar in Lekki. 

A woman, her house maid, a gate man and a small crowd of onlookers.

The beautiful house maid who was dressed in tight black jeans, a red spaghetti tops and a pair of roman sandals had a travelling bag by her and was holdiing tight to the gate.

She was in tears.

The handsome woman was dressed in a trouser suit and leather shoes.

She was irate.

The shirtless, slender and short gate man was trying to get the house maid to leave the gate.

The woman was hovering around both of them.

"Ashawo! Husband snatcher! Leave my house!"

She said as she clapped her hands together.

"I need my money ma."

"God will punish you! You f...k my husband and you want me to pay you?! Trailer will kill you today today I promise you. My God is not asleep."

The guard and the maid struggled.

The crowd watched.

On Marriage and Feminism

(By Temi Dayo) - On Marriage and Feminism: 

You cannot be married to a Nigeriàn and be an honest feminist. Truth is, to be married under any customary provisos in Nigeria, and perhaps in nearly all of Africa, is to become an enabler of Patriarchy by default.

It starts from the point where one party (by custom) waits for the other to propose, and the other by same custom expects to propose. Then it progresses to the observance of native traditional norms - bride price, dowry payment, and perhaps religious matrimonial rites which of course are the supreme establishments and reiteration of profound symbolisms of Misogyny.

Next would come the rituals of living and all observance of the quotidian. Who cements the ultimate identity of the offspring of the marriage? From whom do they derive their last name - the name which differentiates one Susan, that John and this Amarachi from all others of same name?

There you have it. The Nigeriàn feminist, whether male or female can not cross out all of the above boxes of official acquiescence to Patriarchy.

"It Is Your Fault Women"

(By Joy Isi Bewaji) - I remember K-solo's wife.

Beaten blue black and defrauded by husband, producer/musician K-solo.

She got the whole internet on her side.

Two weeks later, she's on Channels- with her abuser; his hand around her...

"Oh! It was all a joke," she says, "we were just fooling around. Akshually, we were trying our hands on acting. We want to see if we can build careers in Nollywood."

She dismissed the abuse. And we all moved on

One week later, K-solo parades another woman as the woman he will be spending the rest of his life with...

Whilst first wife is pregnant.

First wife tries again to hawk same sympathy on these cyber streets... we directed her to a tree, and advised her to fuck it.

Marry ya Level, Marry ya Kind

(By Aishatu Ella John)

Marry ya level!

Marry ya kind!

But mba! You will not hear!!!!

You dated lady/ladies that you did acrobatic moves on bed with.

Time to marry, you go and look for "angel Mary" and want her to do what "devil Mercy" used to do with you.

Na craze dey worry you!

Why didn't you marry "devil Mercy" so that you can get all the acrobatics that you want?

Now you want "angel Mary" who does not know anything other than missionary to start "new class".

Mind yasef and carry ya cross!!!

"His Truth, Her Truth :

His Truth: My wife is frigid, she sticks to boring sex and doesn't want to explore and try new things.

I thought she would learn when we go married but she has closed her mind.

I am getting frustrated, I am tempted to cheat.

Her Truth: My husband married me a Virgin, he wasn't one.

Marriages, Parents & Their Religious Obsession

(Chioma Nnani)--How Can You Love Your Religion More Than Your Child?

Wedding ceremonies have a tendency to be stressful.

Oh-so-many decisions to be made.

Cake. Five-tier or a single cake? Vanilla or red devil? Butter icing or whatever else there is?

Food. Mediterranean or Chinese? Sit-down or buffet?

Wedding gown. Designer or high street? Blinding white or pale pink?

Guest list. Does ‘small’ mean 200 or 1200? Does my father’s distant cousin have to attend?

Seating arrangements to cater to warring family members.

Breathing exercises … and remembering that killing family members is still classed as a crime.

Venue. Beach front or church?

How much of the groom’s wishes to ignore (all he has to do is fork out cash on demand and show up on the day, right?)

Budget. Yes, you want a Siberian tiger, but your bank account is looking more like house-cat that purrs. If you want more excitement, hope that an alley-cat screeches in.

Like I said before – stressful!

Voices: Nigerian Women and Nollywood Films

Bewaji

(Joy Isi Bewaji)--Trying to survive a long flight, I got adventurous and clicked on a Nollywood movie.

Emirate flights from Dubai to New York have Nollywood movies, yes. There was the popular Fifty- the movie, and others on my list.

Fifty is not a movie you watch a second time. That is not an insult, there are many things we will not do a second time. It takes overpowering genius to make movies that people want to appreciate more than once.

It is why we have movies like The Godfather or The Sound of Music or Titanic.

PS: I do not want to see a Kevin Hart movie, not even once. Comedy has to be about wit, not people acting stupid. So if I am not laughing when you keep a straight face and act/tell a joke, then I'm not going to even patronize funny gestures with a smile.

PSS: I will watch those Falz's skits more than once.

Ten Years On, Toast for Nkoli and Azuh Arinze

Nkoli and Azuh Arinze

(Sam Kargbo)--Oscar Wilde was definitely not a friend of the marriage institution. According to him, marriage is the best way to end a beautiful friendship. It is the road to lifelong loneliness and grief. He so despises the institution that he recommended it only for the cowards. In his view all men at heart do not marry. His parent's marriage may not have even made sense to him as he saw marriage playing the opposite of what love does for mankind.  

If Azuh Arinze ever read this mischievous character, then he must have done so long after he had developed a sixth sense that defines his manliness in terms of the allegiance he has for the first institution established by God after the creation of man (With due apology to non Christians). Contrary to Wilde's claim that the ideal marriage is the one of which the man is deaf and woman is blind, or that marriage is the last refuge for the impotent, Azuh must have enjoyed the good company of clear sighted and virile friends with successful marriages. With the likes of the Teco Bensons as friends, Azuh was sure to make his parents and the society proud.

Reasons You Are Not Married, Amara Nwosu

Amara

You are not married not because there is no man ready for marriage as a good number of men are looking for life partners. The major reason Nigerian men are now scared of marriage is waywardness. Men are now afraid because they don’t know who to trust and also not sure if that beautiful girl they are interested in still has her womb intact.

They are also afraid because of the high mountain ladies have suddenly placed themselves on as no woman wants to date a poor man any longer but are all interested in those with good cars and houses.

A man recently told me why he does not allow his girlfriends to come to his house. According to him, he doesn’t want a case where a girl enters his house only for her to refuse leaving because of the beauty of the house and cars she will see.

Isn’t it surprising how single ladies now out-dress married women with good jobs whose husbands are very rich? You are not married because the single men around you are wondering if they will be able to meet up with your ever-demanding lifestyle. Even when they know they can afford it, what makes them believe you won’t take a walk tomorrow if anything goes wrong?

Another reason is that with your good job and salary, they are even afraid to come near you as they wouldn’t want to be turned down.

The Challenges of Finding Mr. Right

I have a serious matter at hand that I want to share. In fact, I should have shared this long ago, but the primary message from a friend that prompted the matter, was lost in between the series of inbox messages from those strange girls that are looking for romantic friendships on Facebook.

In a nutshell, a lady friend sent me an inbox message on how it's harder to find a good man in Nigeria. And that the men who are "manageable" (her words, not mine) are so scarce and if you ever get them they are either married to a lady that does not deserve them or just repenting from a bad marriage from one of such women. Or even just lost faith in the whole marriage thing.

I later ran into her at a club. After the usual introductions that have become common place with these social media network of friends... (You are my friend on twitter, Facebook, Tango, INSTAGRAM... That kind of thing).... I chatted with her a bit and found out from what she told me, that, many women are now settling for anything in between MR Right, MR Not just ok and MR Nearly right. As she put it, it's now a case of looking at what a guy checks out in the top 10 box... And if he has 3 out of 10, snap him up... Work on the rest 7, if you are lucky, you can get him to add 3 more of those top10 qualities... And begin to pray it lasts for as long as you both can manage.

The Two Shall Become One Flesh (Part 2)

The Carters

This journey called marriage does not just happen; it is a process, it grows.  It has to be worked at; it has to be nurtured. Some elements are therefore necessary to keeping this journey on course.  To start with, as I said above, marriage is a journey of the heart.  It is a journey embarked on with the heart.  The heart is so vital an organ and yet so fragile that minor irritations pose serious danger to it.  Something as insignificant as a grain of sand bruises the heart and causes it to bleed. The same is true of marriage.  Issues that are thought “insignificant” and are left unaddressed bruise and hurt marriages. It is stating the obvious that the two people on such a journey should have certain things in common.  They should not only love each other, but should also be friends, friends who understand or strive to understand each other.

But in addition to such core attributes as love, friendship, and understanding, marriages should also rest on equally important values like fidelity, respect, and tolerance.  Fidelity is the call to sexual faithfulness to one's spouse.  To him/her alone does your body belong, whole and entire.  Remember, “for this reason a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two become one flesh.”  To cheat on your spouse is to cheat on and injure your own flesh.  There are some men and women who find it very difficult to even imagine their spouse cheating on them, but then they wantonly cheat on that same spouse, with no regard for the sacredness of their marriage vows.  You must actually hate your own flesh to cheat on your spouse.  But according to St. Paul, “no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it” (Ephesians 5:29).