Nollywood and the Ideology of "Fast Money"

“In the Nollywood universe, there is an absolute requirement of ideological closure: good must triumph over evil at the end. …

“… Filmmakers have internalized the idea that their stories should have a moral and, like other African artists, they like to position themselves as teachers of lessons. … But overwhelmingly, the demand for moral closure comes from the audience’s aching need for order or justice. The reality of contemporary Nigeria does not provide either order or justice. Nigerians have faith in God, and they can depend on Nollywood to make sense of the world. Nollywood renovated stories about justice-dealing indigenous spiritual forces, and the rise of Nollywood coincides with the spectacular spread of Pentecostalism and Islamic fundamentalism, both of which, like Nollywood, offer narratives that explain and find consolation in a world of hardship, evil, and social disintegration.

“So the ‘fast money’ theme, like other Nollywood themes, is strongly rooted in a local popular discourse and pressing emotional needs. The moralizing is kept real because it is lived all the time. The temptations and instabilities that make the theme prominent are built into the structure of the industry itself.”

Jonathan Haynes

Nollywood: The creation of Nigerian film genres, 2016, pp. 54-55

Meningitis: When A People Chooses Ignorance

(By Nk'iru. Njoku) - So the governor of Zamfara allegedly made the boo-boo of stating that the recent outbreak of Meningitis in Zamfara area was an act of God - a punishment for sin. 

The Nigerian arm of the internet has been thrown into an angry frenzy. Everybody is casting stones at this governor and I'm shaking my head. I mean, I do get the uproar. 

But is this not the same country where every goddamn thing has a religious angle even when it has zilch to do with your God(s) and everything to do with your simple refusal to apply COMMON SENSE? 

When you people hold prayer sessions in your offices before you start work for the day, what do you think you are doing? 

I'll tell you. 

You're saying 'I might be a professional, but my job is not really mine to do. If I fuck up, it's how God wants it to happen, after all I've prayed'.

When a person has a disability that has no cure but can only be managed, and you 'block your head' with the fancy words of your pastor and you then tell said person with disability to get a miracle from your pastor, you tell them you're sure they don't have faith and that's why they haven't been healed, what do you think you are doing? 

When you as a technician are doing a technical job and you are asked what your timelines are and you say 'by God's grace we will finish on so and so day', what do you think you are doing?

Lagos and Nollywood: Art Imitating Life

"It occurred to me that the basic character of the Lagos urban fabric was the same as the structure of
the film industry, which also is gigantic, astounding in scale, filling the horizon farther than the eye can see, but all generated by small-scale independent producers. They can work quickly and cheaply because of the stock of interchangeable elements, but each product is unique. The predominant style is resolutely modern, but there are enduring, much older structures and occasional gleaming postmodern edifices. The film industry also, in its way, provides a place for Nigerians to live....

"The films are a record of and interpretation of contemporary Nigeria, a social and emotional history. Nollywood's characteristic themes and its distinctive and original set of genres arise out of Nigerian society and address its values, tensions, and historical experiences. Africans have had to struggle to get their stories told on film as well as in other media, and in this respect Nollywood is a triumph of enormous proportions, all the more impressive and interesting because it is a popular art form whose perspective must stay close to that of its broad audience of ordinary Nigerians or risk commercial disaster. Of course the stories Nollywood tells and the way it tells them don't spring sponteneously from the mind of 'the people'--they are mediated by the complex nature of the film industry itself."

Jonathan Haynes

Nollywood: The creation of Nigerian film genres, 2016, pp. xxi, xxiv-xxv

Nigerian Catholic Church and N20,000 Blessing

(By Lucia Edafioka – Sabinews) - Catholic Church, when did all this nonsense start? 

I attend a small military catholic church close to Yaba. Last Sunday I bowed my head out of church before church closed, I felt ashamed. As a Catholic I was raised to sit my butt down no matter what, until the priest gives the final blessing.

Missing ‘the mass is ended let us go in peace’ is akin to not attending church at all but I left way before that. I left after offertory. We had not even done communion. Catholics understand this.

We started at about 7am, the mass was scheduled to close by 9am, but it was 9am and we were still sitting, clapping hands over ‘chief ABC’s, Ten Thousand Naira’. This was the unveiling of the harvest theme for the year.  I understand that the church has to raise funds but why are we staying 3-4 hours in church because of funds? Did they extend time for mass because of praise worship or because of the sermon? No. It’s always because of some other frivolities.

That is still not why I left though; I left because of the announcers and the priest. I couldn’t even believe what my ears heard.

‘N20,000! From N20,000 and above, come out here. If you know the lord has blessed you, come and give back to him, Chief this, Daddy that, come out, the lord knows your income. Are you going to give to God what has cost you nothing?’

Social Media, Cheating Men, and 21st C. Nigerian Women

Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

(Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha- Saninews) - Dear men, this is how to commit adultery

Do men realise just how much the world has changed?

Sometimes I don’t think they do.

In our society, shame has always been a tool used to oppress women. To make them hide injustice because they do not want to be labelled. Women get raped and keep quiet because saying someone had sex with her, albeit forcefully, is always to their shame. Nothing can take away that she was penetrated and the defilement is hers.

No one wants to be labelled a slut. Women hid ‘vices’ like drinking and smoking because if they ever did that openly, they would be labelled. Don’t forget that people will tell them that these things will reduce their ‘wife material’.

Slowly things are changing. 

Women are getting tired of keeping quiet. Women are tired of the hypocritical labelling that allows only men to do certain things.

If you are on Facebook, then you may have come across instances where women have exposed men (especially married men) that hound their inboxes swearing to be single and wanting to marry them.

Men jump from one inbox to another leaving a trail of their mess like goat droppings everywhere. They bank on the albatross around the necks of Nigerian women -the one that makes them keep quiet.

Nigerian Men & the Irritation of Public Urination

(Lucia Edafioka – Sabinews) - Lagos men and operation “show your penis” 

I am tired of seeing penises in Lagos.

It seems everywhere you look there’s a penis hanging out passing or shaking off the last drops of urine.

What is this nonsense? 

I do not understand how we came to be like this in a country where “do not urinate here” signs are more ubiquitous than our coat of arms. 

Ok , we were all living in our villages before urban towns sprang up and people began to build houses without bathrooms and toilets. But there was always an outhouse for this purpose, so how did the along the road thing start?

How did it become okay that when people, mostly men, are pressed to urinate they just stop anywhere, bring out their shriveled penis and start urinating? 

Of Nigeria, Popular Religion, and Public Nuisance

(By Lucia Edafioka – Sabinews) - Something is missing from Lagos’ logo

I was playing on the internet last week when I stumbled upon the logo for Lagos.

I have never really paid attention to it before until then. I zoomed in.  Palm trees, fishermen, yellow colour and some cowrie like things, green grass, and the motto is Justice and Progress. Yes, that is Lagos, more of progress, though, I don’t know about Justice (side-eyeing Delta state with Finger of God motto).

I kept zooming in on the logo and wondering; something is missing I thought; why isn’t there somebody preaching with a megaphone on the logo? Isn’t that like a permanent feature of Lagos? 

Have you ever gone a whole day in Lagos without seeing somebody preaching with a megaphone? They start in the morning around 6am and what they are saying is mostly incomprehensible, still they scream upandan. Sometimes the person will just be walking along the road ringing a bell, just ringing a bell not saying any words. 

How about buses? You are more likely to see more preachers at a bus stop than buses. And there are like over one million churches and mosques in Lagos.

Nigeria Beyond Igbo, Hausa, and Yoruba

(By Lucia Edafioka – Sabinews) - Dear teacher, Nigeria does not have 3 tribes

One of my ‘smallies’ was studying for her exams, so in the usual Nigerian school way, she was cramming and reading in a sing song way. ‘We have two religions in Nigeria, we have 3 tribes in Nigeria.’

Three tribes caught my ear, I turned to her, ‘We have 3 tribes in Nigeria? Let me see your book.’ Lo and behold, it was ‘we have three tribes in Nigeria’ in the book. So I asked her, ‘what tribe are you?’ She said, ‘Urhobo.’ ‘Are you in Nigeria?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘So why are you not among the tribes in your notebook?’ ‘I dunno, my Aunty said…’ she continued sing-songing. She is 5.

I was born in Delta state and there alone we have the Urhobos, Itsekiris, Ijaw, Isoko, and Anioma. In DSC, (Delta Steel Company), housing where I grew up, I knew people that were Idoma, Tiv, Fulani, Ishan, Bini, Yorubas, Igbos, Ogoni, Kalabiri, Efik, Ibibio, Igala, etc.

I thought everyone knew we had more than 3 tribes in Nigeria. Imagine my surprise when I went to the East for my University education and people asked what tribe I was. ‘Urhobo, from Delta state,’ and I got ‘what is Urhobo?’

‘Why don’t you understand Igbo? Delta state people are Igbos na.’

Nigerians, Morality, and Hypocrisy

(Lucia Edafioka – Sabinews) - Dear hypocrite, must you watch Big Brother Naija?

So Big Brother Nigeria, the controversial reality show spun off from Big Brother Africa which first started sometime in 2002 has been on for over a month. Lovers of the reality show can be seen tweeting away.

The first controversy the show created this season came from the Federal Government. Remember when the FG was probing why the show was taking place in South Africa? Like, of all the problems we have in this country that was their headache. Anyway, the dust settled and the show continued.

The next controversy is now coming from citizens. People are asking that the show should be banned, not aired on television. Some say it has no moral lessons, others say instead of youths to focus on improving the country they are wasting their time etc etc and I am just amazed. When mentioning the problems of this country, after our bad government, lack of electricity and bad roads, one should not forget to add hypocrisy, it is a huge problem.

First, anytime I hear that Nigerian youths are wasting their time, or are lazy or any silly criticism I get angry. People who were youths in the 1960s ruined this country, they ruined it, looted it dry and are now always fast to point fingers at ‘Children of these days’ who actually are striving, working hard to survive in the useless country they left for us.

When Nigerians are Ignorant of their Cultures

(Lucia Edafioka – Sabinews) - By Some Yoruba people can be very ignorant sha

One of my friends convinced me to go see “The Wedding Party” last week. It was a comedy through and through. I totally enjoyed the movie.

As is expected with Cinemas and movies like “The wedding party,” the hall was packed full, and as Nigerian as we can be, people gave loud commentary, clapped their hands, and laughed out loud during the movie.

There is a part in the movie where the parents of the bride who are Yoruba presented Efik dancers to the parents of the groom who are Igbo. The mother of the groom, rolled her eyes and told them “we are Igbos,” the mother of the bride looked at her husband, thoroughly confused, “Efik, Igbo, are they not all the same?” her husband nodded in agreement, “they are all the same.”

People at the cinema added their consent too, “all na the same joor,” someone behind me said, and I joined the mother of the groom to roll my eyes.

Some Yoruba people are so ignorant! I told my friend the next day. He looked at me as if I had grown an extra head, then said “we are the most educated group in the whole country.” Yes, Yes, no arguments here, but when  it comes to Nigeria and how the country works  SOME Yoruba people can be very ignorant about the most basic “Nigerian-facts.”

Nigeria, Nigerians, and Tribalism

(By Lucia Edafioka - Sabinews) - Lagos is full of tribalism o 

Tribalism is to Nigeria what Racism is to America.

Majority of Nigerians are oblivious as to how tribalism works, especially the ones who have never left their regions; think of the Yoruba man who has never left Western Nigeria, or the Igbo who has never left the East.

They don’t really care about tribalism and their only insight into tribalism would be the hate/distrust people have for each other which they hide under statements like, “Yoruba people are like this…”

But for members of ‘minority’ tribes in Nigeria, tribalism is something you “eat” every day, especially when your state or local government area is too small to contain you, and you drift to the other people’s side because we are one Nigeria. You’ll experience it in little ways, from school, market, church, on the road etc.

People will treat you different because you are not one of them.
In Lagos, the most obvious form of this nonsense is in markets. I was haggling with a woman over bananas once when another girl joined us. She was in a hurry so I allowed her buy first. The woman insisted on N200, even though I didn’t think the bunch was worth N200.

Of Lagos and Okada Riders

(By Lucia Edafioka - Sabinews) - For Lagos, monkey dey work, baboon dey chop

In Lagos, everybody is trying to hammer. Any way possible, we all want to make more money.

What this has done to me is that my bargaining skills have now gone over the top, yes my mother will be proud of me.

The group of people I am always haggling with are okada riders. I already have an idea what my destination should cost me and I will not add shi-shi to it.

One day, at the height of the fuel scarcity or what I thought was the height (since Uncle Kachikwu has told us to be prepared for another 2 months) I entered an okada.

The usual fare is N100 but when I got to my destination the okada man started begging me to add ‘small’ to it, that it is not just fuel matter.

What else?

My curiosity wouldn’t let me leave it. So I decided to talk to one of them.

Here’s what I found out.

Azuh Arinze Unveils The CEOs Bible in Style

Azuh with his wife, Edith

Azuh Arinze recently presented The CEO’s Bible to the public. The more-than-800-page, 2-volume compendium written by the publisher/editor-in-chief of YES! magazine was unveiled at the Nigerian Institute of International Affairs, Kofo Abayomi Street, Victoria Island, Lagos in grand style.

Chaired by former APCON Chairman and GMD of SO&U Advertising, Mr. Udeme Ufot, the book reviewer was Dr. Tunji Olugbodi of Verdant Zeal while the Special Guest of Honour was the Minister of Transportation, Rt. Hon. Rotimi Chibuike Amaechi, ably represented by NIMASA DG, Dr. Dakuku Peterside.

Okwu Igbo: Ako na Uche

The Stupidity of Nigerian Archetypal Christian

(By Temidayo Ahanmisi) - Dear Future, 

My mother is 83. She prefers to still go out to run her SME trade, even though we'd rather she stayed home. 

Sometimes she'd walk a distance at least to stretch her legs and keep her heart invigorated and healthy.

My mother is strong, physically and mentally. She is much loved by her 11 children; by her neighbours and extended family. She enjoys immense respect too in our neighbourhood.

We would rather she be cooped up at home or only go out within the tight confines of a chauffeured car because she has committed the grievous crime of growing old as a human naturally should in the most abominably deplorable society on earth today.

Omoni Oboli: The Trial of A Nollywood Brand

(By Zik ZuluOkafor) - OMONI OBOLI:- THE TRIAL OF A NOLLYWOOD BRAND...

Omoni Oboli is the Director and Producer of the movie, Okafor's Law. And she is supposed to be the writer of the screenplay. 

The premiere of this much talked about movie had been hyped to heavens' doors. Film makers, film enthusiasts, corporate players and even ordinary people waited for Friday, March 24 for the opening night of this much anticipated movie at the IMAX Cinema, Lekki Lagos. 

The Friday came. But on her way to the venue of the premiere, Omoni as she is simply called, received a terrible gift. A court order stopping the premiere and further distribution of the movie was coldly handed to her. A company with a jaw-breaking name, Raconteur Productions had handed Omoni this mortal legal blow. And so the premiere couldn't hold.

But on Thursday, March 30, Justice Ibrahim Buba of the Federal High Court, Ikoyi, Lagos, put a smile back on Omoni's face as he vacated the injunction. The high flying Nollywood Director is now free to show her movie anywhere she pleases. An ecstatic Omoni, on hearing this delightful news went on her knees to give fervent thanks to God and pronto announced that the movie would begin to show nationwide from Friday, March 31.

We Need To Pay Attention To Boys

(By Joy Isi Bewaji) - Ibadan boy is on a date with a girl. Girl tells...

Ibadan boy is on a date with a girl. Girl tells Ibadan boy, after date, (that) she isn't interested in a relationship. Ibadan boy heads to twitter to call her hungry ass bitch for chopping his money yet turning down his love advances.

Girl smiles. Calculates his expenses. N3,800. Transfers N5,000 to his Wema account. 

"Keep the change, bruh" she says. N1,200 for transport.

Dude is on twitter re-tweeting every single tweet on this matter. Responding to every single tweet on this matter. 

Girl tweets proof of payment and says nothing afterwards.

Dude has a Snapchat flower halo on his profile picture. Girl is on a date with her girlfriend on hers, looking quite the chic.

A boy with no discretion. Zero sophistication or logic. Unable to discern sarcasm hurled at him on twitter. Baking his humiliation under the vehemence and excitement of Twitter Nigeria.