Responsibility to Family--Extended

(By Okey Ndibe) - “The first time we sat down to talk, my parents remarked on the jumbo salary I was going to earn in America. I was not to become spendthrift, they cautioned. Instead, I was to cultivate a frugality dictated by an established practice within our extended family. That practice imposed an obligation on members of the family with the financial means t help pay school fees of those coming behind. It was a formula for lifting up everybody in the wider extended family. In that spirit, my parents said I was to take up responsibility for paying the school fees of my youngest brother, Oguejiofor, and two male cousins, Emeka and Ndubuisi. Once pronounced, the matter was settled; I proudly accepted the responsibility.

            My parents must have expected that I would regularly send money to support them. Parents made sacrifices to put their children through schools or into some profession. In return, once established in a job, trade, or profession, children were expected to cater to some of their parents’ needs in old age or after retirement. I recognized the sacredness of that obligation. My parents didn’t raise it explicitly because they knew that I knew my duty by them; it went without saying. . . .

            A day before my return to Lagos, my parents offered a Mass to put me in God’s care. That evening, they invited several uncles, aunts, a few other relatives, and some friends to gather at our family home. It was a sumptuous affair, featuring some of my favorite Igbo dishes: ukwa, akpu na ofe onugbo, ji abubo, agwa na oka, ji oko. There was also an ample supply of fresh, frothy palm wine, both the sweetish ngwo and its more potent, sour sibling, nkwu. I savored the meals and drank to my heart’s content. Yet, I couldn’t suppress the hovering sense of being the center of a mini-Last Supper, a prodigal adventurer about to venture out in the uncertain, unknown, perilous turf of America."

Okey Ndibe

Never Look An American in the Eye, 2016, pp. 27-29.