The Average Nigerian Christian

(By Nkechi Bianze) - The average Nigerian Christian does NOT worship God, they worship their pastors, Daddy/Mummy GO/Prophet, Bishop or Evangelist.

The average Nigerian Christian does NOT interpret the Bible on their own. They wait for their pastors and GOs to interpret it for them. For instance, if a verse of the Bible says "Eat and merry to the Glory of God" and their daddy GO tells them that it means "Bring all your money to me", then that verse means that they should bring all their wealth to daddy GO. Any other interpretation of that verse is ignorant and not inspired by the Holy Spirit. That's why different churches can have different interpretations for same verse of the Bible. It is what the pastor or GO says that the church members go with.

Even the Bible says that "My people perish for lack of knowledge." Nigerian Christians are languishing for lack of knowledge and all to the glory of their pastors and Daddy/Mummy GOs. The average Nigerian (former Christian) atheist knows more Bible than the average Nigerian Christian.

Somewhere in Nigeria, a VERY POOR Nigerian Christian is preparing to give his/her January (VERY MEAGRE) salary to his/her billionaire pastor or daddy GO. Then they will start bugging our lives and those of their relatives for money to survive and pay their kids' tuition fees.

Nigerian Christian: "You Are A Scam"

(By Temi Dayo) - My 80+ year old mother on poor advice by her doctor, took a dose of the drug, Salbutamol. A few hours later, my mother began to hallucinate. She thought it was raining heavily and that she saw a cat. She was light-headed and ranted incoherently for the most.
And this is where I will forever raise a fist in worship to my ancestor, my father, F.I. Ahanmisi, who sadly is beyond hearing, beyond earshot of all the affectionate adulations I pour on the memory he has become.

You see, my father was way above the league of others when it came to raising us. My mother, our children, my siblings... All still drink of the benefits of having a father who was too good to be a religious Nigerian. My father considered the superstition which is now transmuted into something called "Pentecostal Christianity" as beneath contempt. Even with the limitations of his environment, he yet held out and stayed above the fray of gross ignorance and general stupidity which passes for Spirituality and Religion in the society he lived in, and which he birthed his children into.

Praise God By Using Your Damn Brain, Nigerians!

(By Joy Isi Bewaji) 

I think you all need to be angrier than you have been. I’m referring to those who have managed to lose heads over my post on religion. Your hair needs to catch fire too. Until then, I am still ranting.

I assume the kind of praise that will make God very happy could be something of these sorts:

The praise of Community Development and National Growth, which starts from the details of your lifestyle and your choices.

Praise God by ensuring your worship centres do not cause agonizing traffic. How do you reconcile road distress with a perfect God? How?

Praise God by being efficient employees at your place of work. Give more than is required. Ensure the company grows. Do not hold back your ideas for when you want to start your own business. Care greatly about where your salary comes from. If you don’t contribute to its growth, how do you justify praising a God of progress?

Praise God by NOT praising God when it is time to work. Let those hands you point to heaven come down and work. Work, damn it.

My Grouse With Religion

(By Joy Isi Bewaji)

I don’t know anything about Islam. I’m not sure I have had any conversation about the Quran. I don’t know Buddhism. African traditional religions are largely ignored. Nigerians engage traditionalists secretly, by the corner of their depravities. This transaction occurs only in whispers; and applied derogatorily in conversations.

But what I know is Christianity. I pray to the God who came down as Jesus to die on the cross. That is the religion I believe in… and that is the only religion I can authoritatively speak for or against. And I speak bigly. My mouth is big. My opinions are large. And people get so frustrated they bake cake to show their contempt. It is called influence. Thank you very much.
It is every writer’s joy to be read. But more importantly, it is every writer’s delight to cause a reaction. And as always, I have caused a massive reaction recently. It started with a Facebook rant about #HalleluyahChallenge and my thoughts about Nigeria, Religion and Under-development. And I stand with every word on my trending article – We have too many spiritual revolutions; what we need is a mental one.

Nollywood and Misrepresentation of Traditions

(By Immanuel James Ibe-Anyanwu)

There was that billboard of a certain West-African president who was dressed in an Igbo traditional attire. A loud caption gave meaning:"Igwe!" It was easy to locate the source of that cultural benefaction, credit rightfully placed at the feet of Nollywood, Nigeria's largest exporter of culture and values. Books and the social media can tell the Nigerian story, but none can boast the compelling, even hypnotic power of the movie.

Which is why we should worry about the competence of movie makers—their cultural intelligence and sense of sensational restraint. Their products speak to millions, most of whom are illiterate and poor, but powerful. Powerful in their sheer number, in their capacity to spread a social or religious poison. They are the very agencies often punctual at lynching scenes, consumers of wild superstitions on whom depends the fate of that fellow accused of manhood theft in the local market. 

The Problem With Nigerian Christianity Today

(By Joy Isi Bewaji)--What really upsets me most about Christianity is its cowardice. This spineless manipulative religion!

A 14 year old girl has been forced into marriage (forced, because she is a minor and cannot make decisions of her own. She is a child!)… where is Christianity when you need it!

What did Christianity do when it heard the news? It made a "friendly" call to the paedophile and his community and before the wink of an eye, Christianity had its tail between its legs, surrendered to arguments on consent… and has left everything to God.

A languid and lifeless faith.

It’s shameful.

How can you live in a time like this without a fight in you?

Christianity is so selfish, it’s sickening.

The only time its voice appears valiant is when it needs to extort money from you- tithe and offering and building projects and pastor’s appreciation shenanigan.

When Your Community Church is the Largest

(Okenyi Kenechi)--Place the massive Nigerian churches and mosques on a side of a table, place the massive homes of our politicians on the other side of the same table. The similarities between the two sides of the table is that dilapidated school or hospital in your village.

Place the massive cars and private jets of your pastors on one side of a table, place the hotel bills, private jet bills and investments of your politicians on the other side of the same table. The similarities between the two sides of the table is that poor teacher owed tens of months of salary in your area.

You need more? OK, come with me..

I have never seen a dilapidated or abandoned church in this country since I was born.

I have seen hundreds of dilapidated and abandoned schools since I was born. I have visited more than 18 states in Nigeria.

I have never seen a church where members sit on the floor because they don't have seats but I have seen school children sit on the floor, under mango trees just to learn.

When the Gods Have Had Enough

(Dimeji Kayode-Adedeji)--Pastor goes numb while destroying traditional shrine

There was drama in Ketu Community of Ogun State on Saturday [September 24] when a pastor became numb after attempting to pull down a shrine.

The cleric, identified as Wale Fagbenro, reportedly claimed he was directed by the “Holy spirit” to destroy the traditional worshippers’ shrine.

A witness said Mr. Fagbenro became “speechless‎ and motionless” upon entering the shrine‎.

Residents of the area in Yewa North Local Government Area subsequently raised an alarm attracting a crowd to the scene.

The witness said when the priests in charge of the shrine were approached, they declared that the cleric would only regain consciousness after some rituals were performed.

However, the priests eventually treated Mr. Fagbenro after the traditional ruler of Aiyetoro, Abdulaziz Adelakun, intervened.

When Prayer is Not Enough

Source: informationng.com

More often, Nigerians imply that God is responsible for their desultory condition. Obasanjo squandered something in the region of $16 billion on electric power, only to achieve the magic of a worsened power supply in Nigeria. Rather than offer a sober narrative about the anomaly, he asked Nigerians to pray to God to improve the situation. When we intone “God is in control” or “We’re trusting God” or “In God’s time,” we imagine that we are demonstrating profound piety. In reality, we are putting our infantilism, false sense of sanctimoniousness, and refusal to take responsibility on full display."   Okey Ndibe

The Bible In A Vulgar Hand

The book thus put in every vulgar hand,
Which each presum'd he best could understand,
The common rule was made the common prey,
And at the mercy of the rabble lay.
The tender page with horny fists was gall'd,
And he was gifted most that loudest bawl'd:
The spirit gave the doctoral degree,
And every member of a company
Was of his trade and of the Bible free.
Plain truths enough for needful use they found,
But men would still be itching to expound:
Each was ambitious of th'obscurest place,
No measure ta'en from knowledge, all from grace.
Study and pains were now no more their care;
Texts were explained by fasting and by prayer:
This was the fruit the private spirit brought,
Occasion'd by great zeal and little thought.
                    John Dryden, 1682 (Religio Laici 822-38)

Religious "Mumugiousity" by Charly Boy

For starters, don't pick up the dictionary to lookup ‘Mumugiousity’, I coined it myself but you go soon grab weytin I wan yarn.

As I approach this topic I want to be careful so readers don't get the whole essence of this write up, twisted. E no dey hard some people. Religion is a touchy subject for a lot of people and in my household it is generally not considered "polite conversation."

For some, an attack on religion is an attack on their god or gods. I only wish to put down certain points or aspects of organized religion I’m not comfortable with, I am not questioning anyone's belief in a personal god. 

In Nigeria, religion has helped us to remain sane or else we all for donkolowith the way our environment is stifling us. Religion can give people a sense of community and make people feel welcomed.  But life is never that simple sha. Kai! Oh lord.

In Nigeria especially, religion has turned a lot of my people into MUMU's.  Instead of learning to discern truth on their own and formulate their own mindset, they're told how to think. These are the people engaged in ‘Mumugiousity’. For them Religion has turned them into group soul's, sheep, cows and goat with their Shepherd as their pastors, who have erased their trust in their own intellect and gradually convinced them to put their trust in them(pastors) as the only true men of god, convincing them that without them they would be lost. Hummmm! They fall for this like very poor people would fall for a bag of rice. Odikwarisky…