Love is Sacrifice

Valentine’s Day has come and gone; and many a love has been won and lost, many a heart healed and broken, many a relationship strengthened and destroyed. Businesses have counted their profits.  Tons of gift items exchanged hands.  Red roses. Chocolates. Cards. Perfumes. Watches.  Diamonds.  Yes, diamonds are forever.  And a lady’s best friend?  Houses and cars made the gift list too. 

Valentine’s Day is such good business that despite the recent global financial meltdown “love spending” around the world has remained on an ascending curve. Last year [2011], according to USA’s National Retail Federation, Americans alone were expected to spend USD $15. 7 billion (N2.5 trillion naira) for Valentine’s Day on everything from flowers to trinkets and jewelry. Who says bad economy affects love?

But how many of us have actually taken the time to examine the significance of Valentine’s Day in our personal lives, in the lives of our family?  What does Valentine’s Day call us to?  As the legend goes, St. Valentine died for love, in the example of Jesus Christ.  He died that others may live, and love.  He, like Jesus Christ, sacrificed his life.

Love is sacrifice. To love is to sacrifice; and those who love sacrifice their all. Everything, on that altar of love.  Without counting the cost. John 3:16 tells us: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son…”  God sacrificed the “only” thing he had, so to say.  Out of love.  That we may have life and live, in abundance.  And out of that same love, Jesus Christ sacrificed his own life on the Cross.  “For no greater love has anyone than to lay down their life for their friends” (John 15:13).  With his life, he bought us for God, making us sons and daughters, co-heirs to God’s eternal kingdom.

Notice that this love is gratuitous, free, FoC (free of charge), unmerited.  The lover gives, regardless of the beloved’s attitude, disposition, or awareness.

However, love is a two-way traffic.  Its expression invites a response.  You can’t experience love and remain inactive, unfazed, docile.  No. Love jolts us out of our lethargy, to act, to respond; to respond with love, to love in return.  The American R&B/Soul singer and songwriter Teddy Pendergrass immortalized this reciprocity of love in his 1978 When Somebody Loves You Back evergreen: “It’s so good lovin’ somebody/ and that somebody loves you back.” That's right.

God is love.  He loved us into existence.  He loves us still in existence.  How are you responding to this love in your homes, in your families, in wherever place you find yourself?  Do you wait for February 14 to love, to show love, to express love?  I suppose not.  You may perhaps be heartbroken that you couldn’t express your love enough with a befitting gift this Valentine’s. But before you go on living in what could have been, think of the many ways through which you have been celebrating Valentine’s Day (albeit unknowingly) daily with your family. 

Mothers, those many mornings you wake up at, say, 4 AM to prepare breakfast for your family, get the children ready for school, and then get going before dawn for your own business/work, that’s an enormous expression of love, of sacrifice.  Isn’t it?  And therein is your daily special Valentine’s gift for your family.  Fathers, the many days you work hard to provide for the needs of your family, to pick the bills, pay house rent, school fees, and sundry expenses, or even trudge the streets, moving from one office to another in search of that job or that contract to help you make ends meet (after all, man must wak), that’s a Valentine’s gift too.  The many times you, husband or wife, remained faithful to your spouse, especially in the face of the barrage of temptations that come your way, myriads of material inducements, office harassments, peer pressure, or even disillusionment at your spouse’s unfaithfulness, you’re making a sacrifice, of love, of Valentine’s. 

Whenever you play your role as a mother, father, wife, husband, child; whenever you go about your tasks at home or at work, with smiles and cheerfulness, you’re responding to the demand of love, you’re sacrificing a part of you, that others may have life. You’re loving and perpetuating love, you’re celebrating Valentine’s.  So, go on loving.

Love is life.  Love is peace. St. Paul tells us in his First Letter to the Corinthians: Love is patient; love is kind.  It is not jealous; it does not seek its own interests.  Love does not rejoice over wrongdoing.  It bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things (13: 4-7).  May God bless you with his divine love for your family that your own love may be complete in him, that you may see your sacrifices of love for your family, not as a burden, but as a blessing.

Remain blessed and keep smiling.  And loving.

First published in Yes! International Magazine: Faith & Family with Fr. Chijioke, SJ. February, 2012.