Of "Very Traditional Nigerian" Husbands

(By Ireh Noh Sehn) - These oyibo people play too much. Small argument like this and the woman would say "Sleep on the couch, move out" if the man is in the wrong. If the woman is in the wrong kpakpa it's still the same thing ni o.. The man will just say "I'm moving out or I'm sleeping on the couch tonight".

So the woman spreads her legs wide on the comfy bed while the man tries to fit into the couch and if he has long legs he kukuma goes to the ground where he belongs.

In Nigeria you tell a man to go sleep on the couch while you lie on the bed yakata, or you tell him to move out of the house he built with his own money. That night you'll tell him whether you put money on his head or it was the other way round. I can actually see the Christian mama of the woman's church telling her " Do you know by pushing him to the couch he will look for another woman's bed to stretch his back in the afternoons before coming home? (Because bed is his problem na, he'll leave work and hook up with another woman because bed.. hotel has finished) The spiritual mama will complete it with "Oya run to the office now and apologise, don't you know you have no right over the bed?"

Sha that is if the man really agrees to sleep on the couch, which I doubt. Most very traditional Nigerian men have no sense of humour.. you cannot play with them anyhow o, their idea of romance is a well cooked meal served with palm wine on your knees.

That was how my uncle's wife in the village walked up to the husband giggling, pushed her fat fleshy buttocks one side, farted in front of him and ran away laughing.

Hours later the laughter turned to tears as her 'load' was thrown outside.. the man kept shouting " You want to shrivel me! You want to render me useless, me a titled man!" It took another four days to have elders gather with his wife on her knees all through the reconciliation process. She had to buy a goat for cleansing and collect prayers of forgiveness from the husband and didn't get up till she was asked to. Common fart o, fart that I used to... let me end it here.