This is Lagos: Tales From Daily Bus Ride 1

(By Adesegun Damazio) - Tales from the early morning bus: 

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CONDUCTOR: CMS Two Hundred CMS! Abeg enter with your change o, I just dey comot. Abeg enter with your 200 naira change.

*passengers troop in*

*few minutes into the journey*

CONDUCTOR: Yes, your money there...

PASSENGER 1: Hands him 500 naira

CONDUCTOR: You no hear word abi?

PASSENGER 1: Eti iya e lo di (it's your mother that is deaf)

CONDUCTOR: *fires the middle-aged Yórùbà woman a hostile look and curses under his breath* Yezzz, your money...

PASSENGER 2: Hands him 1000 naira

CONDUCTOR: Oda pe gbogbo ti fe ya were laaro yii (It's like all of you want to run mad this morning)

PASSENGER 2: Na you sabi the nonsense wey you dey talk. Just gimme my change

CONDUCTOR: Ori iya yín ma pe wa nisin sin (You people's mothers' heads will be correct now now)

PASSENGER 3: Hands him 1000 naira

CONDUCTOR: E ko Weyrey bo Le jor! (Carry your madness and come down jor)

PASSENGER 3: You sey wetin...

CONDUCTOR: Kon dan!!! (Come down)

PASSENGER 3: "Arondiziogu" kee you there (I don't even know if I heard that word correctly 😂)

PASSENGER 1: *mumbles* ashierey a L'hypertension (Lunatic, one with hypertension)

ME: *brings out 500 naira* Omo iya mi ma kana, mi o ni change lowo ni. (Child of my mother, don't be offended. I don't have change)

CONDUCTOR: *nods, shoots me a friendly look and collects the money*

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In Lagos, you will meet all kinds of people but the manner of approach will go a long way to determine how well you will gel with them.

As for those of you who still hand conductors heavy denominations of money despite several pleas from them about shortage of change, I pity you people.

One day, they will use teeth to tear your shirt at the bus stop 😂

But if you're lucky, they will abscond with your change, then you will finally understand when people say this world is not our home.