For The Nigeria Christian, Jesus Is An Alibi

(By Temidayo Ahanmisi) - In my society, Jesus is an alibi. All the family lowlife has to do is "embrace Christ" and he gets to usurp the social order.

Know this criminal dude who in a space of 3 months of slipping through the lax Nigerian judicial cracks on charges of rape, became a pastor. Says he "got the call".

He's shopping for money to set up his church. I literarily spat in his hand when he asked for a contribution.

He brags about becoming the chief cornerstone in his late polygamous father's compound.

Don't shake your heads yet. This rank Pentecostal tragedy is replicated in a million and one Nigerian homes.

Christ is the emerging crutch of all ne'er do wells in this country. 

Their Muslim counterparts are busy "kewu-ing" or growing a raggedy lice infested thatch on their chins in readiness for the . mental assault they will unleash on society as "Alfa's" and "Muslim scholars".

Religion is the fastest, cheapest and most stress-free way to get laid in this country. It is the least strenuous route to respect and reverence of basic people. It is the fastest growing employer of wastrels. 

You think folks like me who stand aloof and hold out are harsh, unyielding harridans. I say you go enjoy. We will hold the forte; man the battlements and fight mental retrogression to a standstill.

We are this way for your children yet unborn. You go ahead and be spineless progenitors, too uncaring, too lazy and too wicked to worry about the social rot.

No ragamuffin scourge comes near my habitation. No silly pastor, imam, Alfa or such human 'spitbots' bring their spittle and noise around the edges of my mind and home. I do this for the sake of my children, your children and the children they will have.

You go ahead and take the broad road of social decadence, mental chaos and psychological disorder which you call evangelising and night vigil. Bring out your loudspeakers and your sociopathy. Blare them. Rob a people already too dehumanised by their national status of sleep.

There is no government. Our president is missing. Truth has fled. Love is dead. This is Hell. Thanks for making the journey here worthwhile with your evil irresponsibility. I hope you are all proud.

Welcome, Nigerians.